Connecting and Aligning with Your True Self: An Interview with Coach Luce Campagna

Most of us will have moments when we feel stuck or when we feel frustrated with the way things are going in our lives. But this feeling has never been as marked and pervasive as during the pandemic, which has put many a life on pause, and, in some cases, it has brought our lives and even our livelihood to a (presumably temporary) standstill.

If this halt and time for introspection and re-evaluation happen to be coinciding with another important crossroad and segment of our lives, a period known and labeled as "midlife crisis", then this feeling of unease and confusion will be felt not only much more strongly and intensely but it can also bring with it rewarding fruits alongside potential and opportunities for transformation.

These were some of the topics that I had the pleasure to discuss with life and leadership coach Luce Campagna. Her work involves and includes helping people to reconnect them to themselves. Moreover, she will craft an actionable and deliverable plan to help her clients to get to where they want to go. As she put it herself, coaching is a journey back to oneself and it is vital and important to get in touch and to be intimate with oneself.

Yet even with a good plan and a detailed roadmap, there will be various roadblocks on the way. They often come in the shape and form of limiting beliefs and/or trauma, while under current circumstances, we are all experiencing an additional layer and state of confusion and shock, courtesy of the pandemic.  This is mainly due to drastic changes to our lifestyle and the fact that we now have more time to be alone with ourselves.

This can be a double-edged sword, that is, a curse and a blessing. After a life of constant doing and external pursuits and of always being on the go, it has been hard to get accustomed to this new lifestyle, and the extra time that is bestowed upon us and that each of us is spending with ourselves. It is not only unusual but, in many cases, it is even uncomfortable, and it brings us face to face and upfront and personal to what Luce calls a time of reckoning. We ask ourselves - and perhaps even more so if we are middle-aged - is this the life that I want to have and lead and is this the path I want to continue?

In fact, this feeling of discomfort, this lack of alignment with one’s true self and calling can lead to escapism and checking-out behaviors, such as video games, substance abuse, or any other addiction and unhealthy coping mechanism. It is shocking but not surprising to find out that mental health issues have increased since the advent of the pandemic and that more and more people are drinking alcohol and taking drugs to deal with this difficult and challenging situation.

Here in Canada, during our general lockdown, the liquor stores remained open because it was considered an essential service alongside the same lines and in the same vicinity of grocery stores and supermarkets. Personally, I was certainly not displeased with this fact as my wife and I like to consume a bottle of wine once a week, but I can also see how this could imply that many may resort to alcohol to deal with their issues and problems and to numb their discomfort and pain.

And yet, those of us who have the courage to embrace the reckoning can benefit from the whole situation. It can serve as a catalyst and essentially catapult us towards a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life. As the outside begins to blur and fade, the focus is now on the inside, and you can pay attention to what is important to yourself, including your values, self-knowledge, and the opening and widening paths of self-discovery.

In other words, where you once felt you had lost contact with yourself or that you were merely driven by your fears and anxieties, where you were able to ignore the nagging sense of discomfort and the sensation that you were living a half-fulfilled life, or worse, one that lacked substance and purpose, now would be the chance to see wider vistas and opportunities.

The question remains and comes to the foreground, who is in charge and who will be driving the bus? Metaphorically speaking, the part of you that is fearful and traumatized may be the five-year-old version of yourself. Although we age and physically mature, it is often possible that we lag and fall behind psychologically speaking. When that is the case, it is important to not be driven by our fears but to have the more mature version of ourselves take control of the steering wheel.

This is a process called re-parenting in which one faces and acknowledges previous trauma but of course in a kind, gentle and compassionate manner and then manages to care for, release, channel, and control this energy. The trauma is often lodged in the unconscious but by filtering it out and making it conscious, we can then heal and move on and start making better decisions that stem from our current self. It is reclaiming the right to be in the driver’s seat.

Many, however, and understandably so, may look for avenues to check out and will ignore the five-year-old only to give it more fodder and power. It is a form of not taking or not wanting to take responsibility for one’s actions or even deluding oneself to be in control when one clearly and most definitely is not. This lack of acknowledgment of our inherent fears and emotions will then lead us to act without being aligned with or attuned to ourselves and can then lead to various mental health issues, such as malaise, unease, depression, and anxiety and this may manifest itself physically as well in the form of disease and other medical conditions and complications.

It then becomes so important to try to understand why we engage in behaviors that are not serving us, whether it is avoidance, checking-out behaviors, or a consistent and persistent dissatisfaction with our lives and our core being. This is also where a coach can be of help and of assistance in crafting and chiseling out a plan to get to a more robust, healthier, and happier version of yourself.

A life coach like Luce can help you shed light upon and trace your potential and help you to embrace your innate and perhaps hidden talents. As she herself explains, it is her job to empower individuals to get to know themselves and to have some sort of mastery over themselves. For instance, you can then look at what your vision is of yourself, how you envision your own life, and not how others think you should be or what others claim you should be doing. It needs to come down to your very own personal checklist that you will gradually but consistently start filling one by one to reach your desired goal and destination, your life’s purpose, or your North Star.

Although the overall framework will be essentially the same, and Luce has created a creative and playful Playbook for your Life, the elements will be different and customized to each person’s unique needs and desires. Although we all go through similar processes and the main approach and roadmap would be the same, that is, the attempt to connect you with your true self and your core being, the paths and lines of getting there would be somewhat different.

Each of us will also have different challenges and obstacles to face but with a growth-oriented mindset and innate confidence in our own abilities, we can master it much better. We need to engage with ourselves instead of abandoning ourselves with escapist checking-out behaviors. This may even lead to a complete change of relationships with alcohol, work, video games, food, exercise, or whatever your addiction and unhealthy coping mechanism may be.

And it seems that we become more vulnerable to these emotional challenges during middle adulthood. Maybe something catches up with us at this point, while life has taught us to look at ourselves with a different lens. At this point, we may realize that we are losing time and it is going to be time for an overhaul and a re-evaluation and re-calibration that could potentially lead to what Luce calls our midlife awakening. This is most likely the driving force and motivation behind the Great Resignation that is occurring now.

But it is not going to be easy nor comfortable but then again, you will have not only friends and loved ones by your side but also a coach who will attend to your needs and help you overcome challenges as you are opening your own can of worms. Each challenge or each reaction you have can then serve as a vital source of information that can be analyzed, understood, reframed, and acted upon.

It can and will be a jarring experience, but it will certainly be helpful and beneficial in the short term, and even more so in the long term. Even your anger, seen under the right light, can tell you about yourself as it can be a reaction to your values and boundaries being crossed and infringed upon, and you can figure out how to deal with this so that you can reach inner peace and calm down the road.

Regardless of your age, generation, or life experiences, the overall goal and remedy are essentially the same: to find your true self, to align yourself with who you are, and to deal with the many obstacles and curveballs that will come your way. And yet, when all is said and done, the choice, responsibility, and work will have to come from you and from you alone. A coach can help, facilitate, train, and practice with you, but it is you who would have to enter the field and play the game.

 

 

If you would like to read more about Luce Campagna and her services, you can consult her website: Luce Campagna Coaching.

I want to thank Luce for an excellent interview in which we also discussed various other matters that are not included here and that I shall add and write about at a later date. Particularly, her insights into leadership and what makes a good leader are quite fascinating!

In the meantime and for the time being, you can access the interview and may see and/or listen to it for yourself on YouTube as well as Arash’s World Podcast.