Sunday, April 5, 2009

How a baby can change your life: six months later

Photo of happy father with his baby son

It is a definite and undeniable fact that the birth of my son has changed my life. Although there are great abundant joys, there is also constant fear and anguish. Anything, from the slightest inconvenience and pain on his part, let alone the frequent visits to get needed vaccinations, causes stress in each of us. There is a certain feeling of helplessness as if we were dangling without security net in the webs of fate.

However, there are also psychological changes, especially concerning one's personality and outlook on life. First of all, as a man, I must say that I have gotten "softer" and much more emotional. It is not something completely out of the blue because emotions have always been important to me, but they have become more diverse and all-embracing. Particularly tales or movies about children or father-son relationships move me much more these days. I can relate to them on a deeper level, and when parents suffer, I can understand their pain.

In a similar vein, I am beginning to understand much better the pain and suffering that my parents must have gone through raising three sons, and I respect them much more now. Having to deal with sickness or even surgery of your son seems to me almost unbearably difficult. Also, for those who have lost a baby in a miscarriage, I have nothing but sympathy and compassion since my wife's pregnancy was complex, difficult, and stressful. And of course, I will always give my seat to pregnant women as the stages of pregnancy are not easy to deal with.

There are definitely positive changes that remind us of our dormant humanity. It is something that cannot be taught nor really understood until one reaches the particular stage. It is a cycle. I am afraid that my own son will be part of it; one day he will rebel against me, reject me and possibly not have respect for me during the troublesome teenage period and perhaps even early adulthood. Until he too shall be blessed with the enormous gift and responsibility of having to deal with his own children …


Chandira said...

Possibly, or he will see you as the amazing kind compassionate and smart person you are, which is how I see my dad.

OK, so I did struggle a little during my teenage years with that, but I never stopped loving him completely. :-)

That pain and fear you have is the pain and fear we all suffer, when we perceive a separation between 'us' and 'God'. That separation is of course an illusion, paper thin.

My fears and anxieties have changed since being married, I used to worry that I would never find 'the one' and now I've found him, I worry he will die, and the truth is, we can't win, but we can still be given over totally to love. :-)

Hayley/Shu Fen said...


EC dropping :)

haha like your philosophy posts ^^

i took philosophy (or epistemology to be more exact) in school and sometimes i like to write about philosophical issues too ^^

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