It has been various years since I last communicated an open letter to you, which means that either things have been going so well and smoothly that I have not had the will, need, desire, or time to ask you for a favor or that they have been going so badly that I have not had the will, strength, and desire to write to you. But, in fact, it is more a case of a bit of both.
After I last communicated with my expression of gratitude, things began going up and down in a somewhat reasonable manner. There was a specific time of deep low though, and it put me on a slightly different quest, namely one in which I learned to manage and cope with my stress and anxiety. It was triggered by an unfortunate outside event, which ended up making and causing mighty waves with immense repercussions on the inside.
In fact, it made me realize something: We are all walking time bombs of some sort. We absorb and accumulate certain amounts of stress, pain, aggression, and suffering and often with very little awareness and acknowledgment of this happing and developing deep inside of us. And then, something happens that switches it all on, flares it up and puts it on overdrive. Suddenly, we feel overwhelmed, and we tend to call and label it burnout.
But the fire had started long before the stress-inducing event and may or may not be directly related to the incident. Up to that decisive moment, I was not aware that I had been living under chronic stress for various years. I had been distracting myself with matters that did not matter and was afraid to face my proverbial inner demons.
They came in all shapes, forms, and sizes, but their common denominator was negativity in all its varyingly toxic emanations and expressions, such as worry, fear, anger, doubt, distraction, escape, and what-have-you. Back then, I was not familiar with the world of hamsters, but it was like always running on the wheel with apparently never enough time for anything. It was Sisyphus not knowing or not wanting to realize that he was condemned to roll the rock up the hill. It was all work and no play with me never stopping to inhale a mouthful of fresh and vibrant air, let alone to stop and smell the roses.
And yet, I noticed something was amiss and started taking concrete action towards fixing and repairing my malaise. I was never truly unhappy but was also never fully happy nor satisfied but I knew I did not want to continue that path. As a result, I made plans and intentions to rectify this mild to moderate depression of sorts. So, on New Year’s Eve of 2019 (and without access to 20/20 hindsight), all dressed up with a few achievable goals in mind, and goodwill and hope aplenty, I clicked my glass of sparkling wine with my wife and told her and my son with an enthusiastic and excited voice that 2020 would be a good year for all of us and a year of substantial and significant change!
And then, everything changed. Everything was abruptly put on hold while various plans dissolved into thin air. But the seed had been planted, and more than ever, I was inspired to get well and better. As I managed to face and calm those inner demons driving me and to appreciate and value the slings of misfortunes I had encountered along the way, as I was able to stop and see things as they truly are, bathed in beautiful warm light, I felt like I had walked out of Plato’s Cave. I filled my lungs with the fresh, invigorating, and life-giving air; I basked in the sun and was mesmerized by the flowers and wildlife, and then, I decided to go back to the cave and let everyone know that there is not merely a light at the end of the tunnel but a completely different world outside of the cave! Just step out and see for yourself, folks!
You know much better than me how difficult it is to change people’s fixed and set views, let alone their hearts. It is often quite a frustrating process as their minds are set and made up and seemingly immovable, but I have put myself on the path towards helping others to literally see the light and flourish in their unique and authentic ways and manners. But once again, I need your help to get started here.
It is true that it is mainly in times of need and despair that we most turn to you, and my case is not all that different. Although it is liberating to start off on a clean slate, it is also scary and terrifying. Faith is certainly helpful but most of us, myself included, find it at times so hard to reconcile it with the reality principle. And the reality is that I am back to square one or ground zero, essentially the same place I was about ten years ago when I first wrote to you, that is, without a steady income or tangible prospects in view.
Although teaching is still my passion, my vocation now is to teach and guide people to their happiness. So please help me with the ebbs and flows of my current circumstances. Now, with my latest detour, shift, and career change and with me advancing in age, I would like to ask you for more than moderate success in my endeavors, more so spiritually but also financially. This time I would like to ask you not just for that home of my own where my wife and son can have the space they need for their own pleasure and the dog that my son has always wished for but I would also like to have a small garden that we could cultivate as a visible reminder for continuous growth and greener pastures ahead and an optional but desired swimming pool.
I would also like to continue working from home, a new habit that I enjoy but I am more than willing to consider a hybrid form with at least some person-to-person contact in a physical environment. Moreover, I would like to be invited to give lectures here and there and occasionally travel to places across the world. Fame would be great of course, but a good and solid respect, renown, and reputation in certain circles would certainly be a wonderful starting point.
In fact, I would like to make waves on a global scale. I am dreaming big but more than ever, I would like to make those big dreams merge with reality. I have found inner peace and happiness but in somewhat cramped and limiting circumstances. It would be awesome to be able to expand these circles to do good for others but also to have them reflected back to me on this ever-turning karmic wheel. As you already know, I have been working incessantly both inwardly and outwardly and have not always received the recognition that I deserve, at least up to this point of my life.
My health has steadily improved over the past few years, and I would appreciate for it to continue and improve as such as much as possible. I would also wish to ensure that my loved ones are healthy and thriving and will do my utmost on my part to ensure that it does. My letter is more ambitious and demanding than previous versions, that is certainly true, but it also comes on the hot heels of suffering and perspiration. I am aware that it will take time and that there are many other unseen factors involved but, at the same time, I also know about and personally believe in asking to receive. And I am asking you from the bottom of my heart.
Your most humble servant,