Attitude
goes a long way. It affects not only one's perception on life, but
also social relationships. A “nerd” with the (stereo)typical
characteristics would have a hard time fitting in with punks, for
example. It occurs on various levels - clothing, education, hobbies
and interest - but what I want to focus on here predominantly are
language expressions. In other words, we are what and how we speak.
There
are those who secretly court and openly play with nihilism. This is
expressed in various ways. It can be aggressive and upfront “who
gives a shit or rat's ass,” to a blatantly pessimistic or
fatalistic view of “nothing matters anyway” or an even
existential “what's the point” attitude. It can also be expressed
in the juvenile yet still apathetic form of “whatever” or – one
of my favorite in this category - the all-encompassing “meh,”
popularized, at least for me, through the Simpsons' cartoon
characters.
Then
there are those who take the cues from the hippie generation,
idealistically reaching for peace or the stars for that matter. They
use non-aggressive and de-escalating expressions, such as “chill
out” or “take it easy.” Their stance can be sometimes confused
with the other group except that in their chill-attitude, they prefer
peaceful non-action. It may denote a lack of goals and motivation in
life, but the difference with the nihilistic group is that they are
happy with the state they are in and their voice is, for the most
part, exempt from cynicism.
In
this category, I would also put the two expressions of “no worries”
or “no hard feelings.” Here the context is a little different. It
depends on a situation in which somebody has somehow trespassed.
Others might have taken your seat, stepped on your toe, shoved you
with their elbow or even betrayed your trust. Yet the speaker holds
no grudge because of her easy-going attitude on life.
What
I like here is the generosity and acceptance incorporated in those
phrases. It goes with the attitude that whatever works for you,
“whatever floats your boat” is all right and there is no need to
worry about anything. It is also forgiving in the sense that “nobody
is perfect” and everybody may step out of line once in a while. In
the grand cosmic scheme of things, a botched exam or job interview or
an oversight is really not that important and nothing to fret about.
One
of my favorite anecdotes about Zen Buddhism is when two monks are
approached by a woman. She asks them if they could help her cross the
brook as she does not want to get her dress wet. The novice looks on
his master in horror as he cheerfully accepts to help this woman out
of her plight. In fact, the novice is so troubled by it that he
remains silent for the remainder of the walk. The observant master
notices and asks him what the trouble is.
“Well,
master, is it not one of the tenets of our order to not have any
contact with women, to not touch them...”
The
master nods.
“Well,
then, why did you carry that young lady in your arms, I would like to
know.”
The
master laughs, which makes the novice blush.
The
master then says, ”When I helped the woman, I dropped her off at
the other side of the stream, whereas you, my dear friend, have been
carrying her around all this time.”
I
took some creative liberties in the account of this anecdote, but the
point does come across nonetheless (I hope). Sometimes we simply
worry too much. We make a mountain out of anthills, feel bad and
guilty, are eaten by the mea
culpa voice of
conscience, excuse and genuflect ourselves, go to church and confession and feel
sorry pretty much most of the time.
We
could all benefit from the “no hard feelings” approach. Yes, I
screwed up, big time or not; yes, what you did was wrong, you should
not back-stab your friend or hold a grudge for a long time because,
all things considered, but it is all right and there is nothing to mull over. And if in the past I have, advertently or
inadvertently, offended friend or foe, colleague or supervisor,
please keep this phrase in mind: No hard feelings.
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