About
a month ago I had the opportunity to attend a fascinating talk by the
distinguished Austrian psychotherapist Alfried Längle. His practice
of logotherapy is founded (and elaborated) upon the work of fellow
Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl. The talk itself
was titled “On becoming more myself” and was presented by and
affiliated with The Existential Analysis Society of Canada.
As I constantly muse about how I can be better at being who I think I am I thought it would be useful to perhaps find out more about myself. In fact, this pleasant and good-natured psychologist had mind-blowing ideas on how we see ourselves, others and how both of these can directly affect our mental health and well-being.
As I constantly muse about how I can be better at being who I think I am I thought it would be useful to perhaps find out more about myself. In fact, this pleasant and good-natured psychologist had mind-blowing ideas on how we see ourselves, others and how both of these can directly affect our mental health and well-being.
The
focus of logotherapy is on the existential core being of the
individual and its either sound or afflicted relation with the
outside world. Our personality, according to Längle, is what we know
deep inside about ourselves, a genuine and unflinching but
nonetheless caring look at what makes us different from others.
Yet
identity is like an intangible candle flame. We know what it looks
like, but we fail to grab it; however hard we may try, it will elude
our grasp. Not only is the core identity hard to put and define in
words, but it is also a continuous process. Every time, our inner core
self comes into contact with information, we may change as a result.
These types of impression or as he called it “in-formation” are
the form and substance, or bread and butter of how we come to know
ourselves better.
For
example, I may not know of specific skills I have until I try out new
things. This contact from the outside with my inner being may bring
out what makes me more myself. There are two things at stake here.
Number one, how genuine is my expression of myself towards the other.
For instance, when I respond to a situation or a person how much of
it really comes from who I am? The question we would ask ourselves
would be how would “I” (state your name here) react to this given
situation. What makes it my own personal response and what is it that
makes me be me?
That
we often do not respond with honesty is evident in social situations
where we are concerned about how others may view us. This can be
beneficial or necessary in certain situations, such as controlling
our anger or our too honest opinion at work, but it can harm us
particularly in our social and romantic relationships where we may
not show ourselves the way we are or say what we think out of fear of
rejection or disapproval. This may explain why so many people are
conformist because they are afraid of showing their true colors and
personality. If this dishonest habit occurs on a consistent basis, we
may harm ourselves and our psyche.
The
second point is how we would integrate this new experience with our
old self. If we resist change, then we do not allow life to leave its
mark on us. We will become stagnant and not grow as a person. Since
identity is fluid, it needs to be affected and stimulated by this new
information. These experiences need to be integrated with our core self
from which a new and more updated self would emerge.
If
the interaction and reflection between the inside and outside world
is accurate and genuine, then the person is considered balanced and
healthy. We do what we love and say what we think, again within
reasonable bounds and limits.
Yet in reality, our lives often become
schizoid due to the person we are and values that we hold dear and
the many necessary roles we play or think we ought to play in our
society. We become confused, lose touch with who we are as
individuals, and we also fail to see others in their unique richness;
hence our communication both inward and outward becomes forced,
dishonest, and often superficial.
For
true communication or interaction to occur both parties need to be
responsive. I need to express my own feelings and be able to listen
and decode yours. It again does not mean that one has to agree with
everything. It simply means that we accept the fact that there are
other opinions, yet we still see and interpret the world through our
unique lens.
But this openness may touch us both and perhaps change one or the other or even both. By laying our cards on the table, we may become vulnerable, but if both do so and if they express their genuine being, then this can only have positive and transforming effects for both parties.
But this openness may touch us both and perhaps change one or the other or even both. By laying our cards on the table, we may become vulnerable, but if both do so and if they express their genuine being, then this can only have positive and transforming effects for both parties.
Another
issue that is of importance is that the core self be grounded in the
actual present. We often carry around the baggage of the past,
and it may block us to see opportunities of change and growth right
in front of our eyes. This could be the person who has been hurt in
the past from harmful romantic relationships and sees every person as
a reflection or potential threat due to their own previous negative
experiences. In this way, we disfigure our present with fixed notions
of our past, which is again not healthy nor productive.
Being
in the present should be accompanied by a certain confidence in
one's own abilities and power of discernment. We are bombarded by a
multitude of stimuli but cannot be frayed to and fro without
thinking. That would be an automatic response, which is not an
expression of individuality. To be oneself one needs to judge and
interpret the stimuli instead of blocking oneself.
Each
situation is unique and should be seen as an opportunity to develop
one's own unique sense of self. It cannot be automatic, rehearsed or
enacted, but it ought to be a natural endeavor, a steady work in
progress. Hindrances or obstacles should be dealt with quickly, so
that we do not let others block us nor should we block our own
self-expression.
To
sum up, the questions one should ask are how do I feel about this
situation and what would be the best way for me to respond to it,
which is basically one's moral evaluation of the moment. Längle
implies that deep inside we do have the answers to any question
and that we should trust our spontaneous feelings in the matter.
This
would also present an opportunity to be flexing our self muscles (my
words, not his!) by taking a stand and by expressing ourselves. In
this way, we would be revealing our real and genuine self to the
world. The inner and outer face of our self need to be identical, and
only then would we feel at peace with who we are and what we do on a
daily basis.
Problems and issues may shake the boat or the citadel of
our identity, but they cannot capsize us because we will come to
trust ourselves deeply and fully. This is the ultimate aim of
logotherapy, to make us understand ourselves better and to act more
in accordance with our unique core identity.
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