In that
sense and from that viewpoint, nothing has apparently or effectively changed as
life is flowing on the same path: I have not traveled nor switched jobs, I have
not received a promotion (if my employer is reading this, please take note and
hopefully also some action in this regard), I have yet to go viral or achieve
overnight success, and my belly fat is still where it is at. All this time,
true love, the one that knocks off your socks and takes you on a thrill ride remains
as elusive as it has been since time immemorial.
Although the
context and situations may look like they are business as usual,
the inner world and the personally experienced emotions and reactions are not. Something
has clicked, switched, and moved on a deep level. This has been part of a
process that has been continuing and building over a period of years now (you
can read about it here), but this year has most definitely accelerated it. When
I compare myself to the person I was at the onset of the year, it feels like two
different results or versions show up with the latter and updated one being the
preferred, better, fitter, happier, and improved version so-to-speak.
It is perhaps the step right before synthesis, which is building upon and going beyond a mere plan, the illustrated map, the vision board, or setting willful intentions. It is like being ready for a trip: passport in hand (something that is only meant metaphorically here because despite good intentions, I have yet to submit the paperwork for my passport application!), with visa requirements and immunization all taken care of and the ticket fully paid for but still not sure where the destination is (or who the traveling companion will be), except that it is going to be an amazing and mind-blowing experience.
Put
differently, you have made the gains but have not cashed them in yet; you have
an awesome podcast that you have not monetized yet, or, and perhaps my favorite
analogy here, you have picked the winning numbers but are yet to claim the grand lottery prize.
Add to this
the necessary emotional and mental precursors and prep work that has already
been covered and gone into it (i.e., getting rid of previous excess baggage
though I am still missing or needing a few more items here and there in my metaphorical
luggage) so that I am all in, psyched up and prepared for the giant leap into
the unknown. The remaining gap can be somewhat reduced via intuition, a feeling
that this or that would be the right thing to do despite not knowing exactly
what it is that is heading towards me and/or that I am heading towards, barring that it could all be a matter of wishful thinking (though I fully wish it were
not so).
I can only
state that something outstanding is about or bound to happen and that I am
looking forward to it. This is not only desire, the wish for something to
happen and closing your eyes and crossing your fingers for it to appear but it
also includes dotting the i’s with the internal and external hard work
connected to this type of manifestation.
This is
something that I have experienced to some extent in previously expressed wishes
(right here on this blog as a matter of fact) that did indeed come true, yet we
are talking about a whole different ballgame and arena here. I am going to get into some
of the specifics in a bit, but for now, the best way I can explain it is this: you
need to first create the necessary inner qualities to be able to materialize what
you desire most until it can actually appear in front of you, a kind of master
appearing when the student is ready type of scenario.
In terms of
relationships, it is about clearing pervious trauma and negative experiences to
not only see and feel things more clearly but to be able to take appropriate
action and make better decisions from now on and going forward. In terms of
jobs, it is not only having the necessary requirements in terms of education, skills,
and experience but to round it out with a newly found confidence in yourself
with the necessary dose of stamina and resilience.
You must
first believe it deep within. It is all about dreaming big and finally being
ready to respond to and act upon the given opportunities, to accept the
marvelous gifts of the universe without second-guessing yourself or dousing it with
feelings of guilt and unworthiness that often lurk in the shadows.
It is being
yourself, true to your principles, authentic to your core values while also
saying, nay shouting a big and uncompromising YES to life and to the universe.
It is a sense of earned entitlement and deserved privilege that you embrace
wholeheartedly not only for the good of yourself but by extension for the good of the community and the world around you.
One of the
mistakes that many make here is comparing yourself to others. Although it can
motivate and drive you and serve as a push to get you off the couch and do
something, it is still misguided because they are them and you are you. It is
not even a case of apples and oranges: the personalities and situations and
circumstances are so different that you cannot possibly compare one with the
other.
That said,
there are still basic truths and rights that underlie us as humans and
spiritual beings that apply to each and everyone. But again, it is more about
core similarities than perceived differences. The truth is one and the same,
but it is expressed and embodied in different ways and manners.
So much for
the aspects of the soul and now a few things I would like to point out in terms
of the specifications of how this transformation may be brought about. The main
stumbling block is fear in all shapes, sizes, and formats: the fear of being
yourself often counter-balanced against the fear of not being yourself, the
fear of what others think of you, the fear of missing out and wasting your
life, the fear of making a wrong decision, the fear of hurting others versus
the fear of being hurt.
This list goes
on and is unending, but it can be reduced to a common denominator: insecurity
around being and loving yourself combined with concerns around being loved and
accepted by others. It is also about lacking faith and confidence in yourself and
constantly worrying about what may or may not occur in your life.
This has been my work in progress, but it has felt quite comforting to be able to work certain things out, at least in terms of processing them and clearing obstacles on the path ahead. One of the ways of doing it was also changing certain habits and patterns, that is simply doing things differently or doing different things.
I used to equate
the gym with literal hell. I was adamant and stubborn about entering there over
my dead body. And I meant it. Yet now, over the past months, I have been
going about two or three times a week, and the oddest thing of it all is that I
often look forward to it! That one I did not see coming but it helped to release
the subconscious holds, brakes, and obstacles, and then be able to move forward
more freely.
Another one
was to socialize with others. That can be overwhelming but not so much, if you find
yourself in groups that you enjoy and that appreciate you. For instance, I have
signed up and shown up for regular French group meetings, then added on, a
German language club, and it is amazing and magical to immerse yourself in these
worlds and spaces and to connect with others without having to travel far and wide.
Not to mention
the absolutely wonderful philosophy groups I regularly attend and where a community
of like-minded and curious people discuss different topics and issues. It is enriching
and stimulating not only because there is something to be learned from each session
but to know that deep inside, we are all not that different from each other
despite our differences in views, opinions, and philosophies. And yes, that we
can get along if we wish to do so.
Finally, I
would be amiss not to mention the awesome local writers’ group I began attending
at the beginning of the year. I had previously attended a few other groups and
had also created and run my own way back, but this one has been a goldmine.
What I love about it is that it is a true community that cares about all types
of writing and where they offer unflinching support while also delivering at times
deliciously blunt and in-your-face (for the most part) constructive criticism. They
are partly responsible for me picking up the proverbial pen and writing a few
poems as well as a novella over this year.
So these
are my reflections for a year that was promising with the promise of an even bigger
year to come. It has been great to stimulate and build upon both the body and the
mind to improve overall health and wellbeing. Most of all, I am most grateful for this year,
which has brought its share of challenges, but also wonderful insights and great
moments shared with others alongside a better appreciation of myself.
A Happy New
Year to each and every one of you and a big thank you for visiting my blog and checking
out my podcast!
