Spacetime Flexibility: The Value of Being Flexible instead of Frozen in Space and Time

There is a subtle but important difference between being open versus being flexible. In the first one, you are accessible to and do not discriminate against or evaluate information coming in but at the same time, it implies a certain amount of relaxed passivity or laissez-faire. 

However, when you are flexible, while the onus is still on you, you feel and are free to choose between given options and even take the liberty to go back and forth and flip-flop because you are essentially free to choose and are not fixed or bound one way or another.

For me, flexibility is openness plus action, a kind of spontaneity where you can take either the left or the right turn or just continue going straight. A lack of flexibility is a rigid stance and outlook in which there is only one way to get from point A to B and it is often the same well-trodden, known, and familiar path. It is the mindset that chooses routine over experiments and safety over adventure.

With the fixed mindset, you just want to get to your destination without having to worry about this and that, and you try to travel within the established confines of your sphere of comfort, which also means that the trip is essentially devoid of surprises and unexpected outcomes and situations. While we like to be in control of things, that is often not the reality of things and our situation. As a rule, we believe that we are more in control than we actually are.

Recently, I was planning to attend a conference and left my place at a reasonable time to get downtown. As I walked out of the elevator, I noticed a package addressed to my wife. Instead of taking it up to our floor, they had just left it inside the entrance hallway. They must have thought it was close and good enough and taken off. I hesitated for a moment as to how to proceed.

Usually, I would have walked out, gotten on my bus, and then texted her that there was a package patiently waiting for her downstairs. For some reason, I decided to take it up and hand it to her in person. When I finally got to my floor, to my surprise my wife was at the elevator door, and she had already been alerted about the package by the delivery service person.

I quickly handed it to her; she thanked me, and I was out and about. Except that the moment I stepped out, the bus that was destined to take me to my destination shamelessly took off right in front of my eyes! No amount of waving and gesticulating would have changed anything, so I did none of that. Yes, I could have run after the bus like a madman, but I reserve and keep that sort of manic behavior for emergency situations only. 

Yet to my shock and surprise, the next bus was due a dozen minutes later and took more than fifteen minutes to arrive. As I was waiting, I was worried I would not make it to the event on time. It was not a very important event and was simply for pleasure and entertainment and not work-related but still, I could not stand being late for anything, which is part of my German upbringing or past trauma.

I was standing at the bus stop thinking and worrying for a good quarter of an hour, and finally, I got to my destination with a few minutes to spare. At the same time, the event started a good five minutes late anyhow so either way, and even in the worst-case scenario, I would have been perfectly fine.

And yet, I spent or rather wasted various minutes worrying about nothing. Not only that but I was frozen in space and time, which is what stress and worry can do to you. It was not fight-or-flight for me but it was being stuck and immobile while passively and even helplessly waiting for the bus to come and cursing that it was late as it was wont to be as a part of our wobbly and unpredictable transit system (quite the contrast to the precise and well-oiled transit of my German hometown).

Yet let us rewind the whole situation and play it again. In this alternate scenario, I would still deliver the package to my wife because that is just how I roll, a gentleman who delivers undelivered packages to loved ones. I would still miss the bus but I would not worry this time around. I would just smile and maybe shake my head. Instead of cursing, I would calmly assess the whole situation.

Suddenly, I would notice things that evaded me the first time around. Not being frozen in spacetime, I would have a clearer and much calmer mind and see various options opening up in front of me. I could have taken the bus in the opposite direction and then switched buses at a different stop. As a matter of fact, two buses passed me by on the other side as I was cursing my luck and worrying about not making it on time.

Or I could have walked. The weather was nice and agreeable enough and I could have made it there in less than half an hour while also adding an element of movement and exercise to the whole situation. Another option that did not occur to me because I was so entrenched in my ways was that I could just return home and not go. The event ended up being mildly interesting, but it was not as mind-blowing as I had expected it to be. But not going, I would have been in limbo with the what-if question and scenario.

Anyhow, this is not a should-I-stay or should-I-go scenario. It is about being aware of one’s options and not feeling stuck or being in a rut. It is easier said than done you may say but that is only half true. It is similar to the saying that you cannot know what you do not know. And yet, and yes rather ironically, if you really want to know what you do not know you are most likely able to know it. The ingrained and repetitive patterns and habits are part of our daily grind and interactions but if we become aware of them, and if we practice a certain level of mindfulness and assess the situation in a calmer and more reflective manner, then options that we failed to see the first time around suddenly appear.

On the grand scale of things, my situation was one of little importance and relevance, but the lesson contained in it can be life-altering and has the potential of changing our situation and life circumstances in drastic and dramatic ways.

The emphasis here is on potential while the onus, whether we are aware of it or not, whether we wish to acknowledge it or not, remains on us. It is not a matter of right or wrong but what is the best thing in our given situation and what feels most right and what is most in tune with who we are at any given moment of our lives. This flexibility will lead us not only to more options and choices to choose and select from but can also increase the enjoyment of our daily lives and a way of discovering and coming into touch with new facets and dimensions of our own being instead of merely feeling stuck and frozen in spacetime.